A little over a month ago I left the security of a pay check. Right now I'm struggling to find my rhythm at the easel. Trying to rekindle the self-discipline I had years ago is the biggest challenge. It seemed so much easier back then or maybe it's just my memory sugar coating it. There's always laundry I could do. I could sweep the lanai. A myriad of different ways I can keep myself away from the easel. Creative avoidance I think they call it.

I've been hiking for a couple of months now to keep my head out of depression. On a recent hike with my friend we discussed the struggle of being authentic while creating. I can look at paintings that I've done with my head and can tell the difference when I paint with my soul.

Painting with my soul takes longer. I have to open myself up and spread paint around the canvas like blood. It's sticky and it's scary.

Unfortunately rent doesn't wait. The car payments don't wait.

So I try to remain true to the goal of being authentic with my art. I firmly believe that we are all instinctual beings and you can tell when I'm not. We connect with a painting or we don't. I hope something I create resonates with someone and they value it enough to bring it into their lives.