Up until a few days ago I’ve been hiding out.
Avoiding, escaping, and nail biting while grim reaper thoughts of how it would feel to return to Maui lurked in the shadows.
I applaud my friends and neighbors. They’ve been navigating a barrage of attacks by both the system and emotional anguish on a daily basis while I hid.
I envy their strength and courage.
Seeing friends and neighbors has been wonderful and healing. Getting hugs. Having conversations with others that have figuratively shared the fox hole of Aug. 8th 2023.
On the other side of that - dealing with bureaucratic systems that, I’m sure, were set up with the best of intentions but whose practical applications just re-traumatize those it was intended to help. Getting the confusing runaround.
Seeing greed.
Witnessing desperation.
Trying to hold it together while being frustrated because your life will never be the same. It’s exhausting being displaced.
And then sudden kindness that shines like a new “heads up” penny in a pile of ash.
It’s confusing.
But it still feels like home here. I wish I could afford to come back and live my life. Maybe someday that can happen again.
Today just isn't that day.