This morning I was reminded of how, years ago, I sat under a tree and looked out over the ocean and tried to visualize how my life would look in the distant year 2000. It was hard to imagine. I tried to age my children in my mind’s eye, imagine what their personalities would grow into. Harder still was trying to imagine my own life.

Just past the year 2000 I sat under that same tree and tried to talk to my younger self as she sat there contemplating the current “me”. I knew warning her of future pitfalls would be a futile endeavor (especially since those pitfalls led me to who I was now), instead I tried to reach across the divide of time and comfort her. Not knowing her future would be part of the fun.

It occurred to me that I had done this very thing off and on during my life; sit and ruminate on reality. Years later, I was sitting on a beach on the east coast. Not trying to imagine my future as much as seeing my parallel self, had I made different choices.

That parallel self had stayed safe with her decisions. Married safely, worked in stability and was relatively happy despite the gnawing curiosity of how things might have been different otherwise.

So I sat on that beach and regaled this “other self” with stories and antidotes of how my life had been in contrast to that safety. The wild experiences of great joy and excitement. I also consoled this other self with admissions of the self-doubt, depression and loneliness that also peppered my past.

I walked away from that beach comforted that, even given those down sides, I am glad for the choices I made.

So I sit here now comforted and at peace. The sun is shining on the inside today.